Bar Jokes
The customs of an Irishman
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw
it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman
replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America,
the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home,
we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank
together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves
it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
A brain goes to a local bar
A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please."
The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you."
"Why not?" askes the brain.
"You're already out of your head."
Three vampires go to a bar
Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes
over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire
responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The
waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct.
You want two bloods and a blood light?"
Female
hormones in beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that
beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove
their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed
that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
Logic
of the Irish
An Irishman walks into
a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of
the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o' me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh,
no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Mormon Church
and I had to quit drinking."