Blonde Jokes

Question: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
Answer: "Thanks for the refill!"

Question: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
Answer: Air Pockets ~

Qusetion: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
Answer: It takes too long to retrain them.

Question: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
Answer: There's Tipex on the screen.

Question: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
Answer: There's writing on the white-out

Question: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Answer: Because red means stop.

Question: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Answer: Humpme Dumpme!

Question: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
Answer: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Question: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Answer: Artificial intelligence

Question: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
Answer: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Qusetion: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Answer: Gifted!

Question: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Answer: Pregnant.

Question: What's the difference between a blonde
and a supermarket trolley?
Answer: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Question: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Answer:Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Question: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
Answer: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"

"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....

Question: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
Answer: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it.

Blonde With A Gun
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her.

She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, now she's angry!

She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!"

"Shut up," she says, "You're next."

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Breast Stroke

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete

A Blonde Walks into a Library

A blonde walks into a library and shouts, "CAN I HAVE A CHEESE BURGER AND CHIPS?!?"

The librarian replies, "This is a library."

"Sorry," the blonde whispers in a barely audible voice, "can I have a cheese burger and chips?"

Blonde Hurting

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."

"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"

"No I'm a blonde", she replies.

"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.

A Blonde goes to New York

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear.

She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

Selling a Car
A blonde was trying to sell her old car but wasn't having any luck because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she mentioned this to a friend. Her friend told her, "There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "I've just gotta sell it."
"Okay," said the friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell it."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, her friend asked her, "Well, did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

Painting a Room

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart and capable by painting a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she buys paint and rollers and gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of fresh paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies "yes."

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house by herself.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she read the directions on the paint can and they said....

"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

Mail Check

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his pretty blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'."

17 Days
Two young blonde women are sitting at a table in a coffe shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them something to drink. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"
Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"