Kids Jokes
Hansel
And Gretel Jokes
Why did Hansel eat all the liquorice off the witch's house?
It takes all sorts!
Rapunzel Jokes
How
do we know that Rapunzel went to a lot of parties?
Because she liked to let her hair down!
Aladdin Jokes!!!
Aladdin:
Get me a fur coat.
Genie: What fur?
Aladdin: Fur to keep me warm, that's what fur!
As
a child, the wicked magician always wanted to saw people in half.
Was he an only child?
No, he had lots of half-brothers and sisters!
Do you know what's inside Aladdin's lamp?
It would take a genie-us to find out!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Aladdin.
Aladdin who?
A lad in the street who wants to come in!
What did Aladdin do when he lost his lamp?
He used a candle instead!
Mermaid Jokes!!!!
What
has beautiful hair, a pretty face, two arms, a fish's tail, looks like
a mermaid, but isn't a mermaid?
A photograph of a mermaid!
Which
part of a mermaid weighs the most?
The scales!
Why did the Little Mermaid look the other way?
Because the seaweed.
Why did the Little Mermaid ride a sea-horse?
Because she was playing water polo!
Why was the Little Mermaid embarrassed?
Because she saw the big ship's bottom!
Robin Hood Jokes
Friar
Tuck was a monk, so why did he get involved in a life of crime?
It was his habit!
How did Robin Hood tie his shoe-laces?
With a long bow!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin the rich to give to the poor!
What did Robin say when he nearly got hit at the archery contest?
"That was an arrow escape!"
What has two holes for the eyes and a slit for the beak?
A Robin Hood!
What is Robin Hood's favourite radio programme?
The Archers!
Where did Robin's Merry Men go to buy their sweets?
The Friar's Tuck-shop!
What
made Goldilocks shiver?
Quaker Oats!
What steps do you take when a bear is chasing you?
Very big ones!
What's brown and hairy and can see just as well from either end?
A bear with its eyes shut!
What's brown, furry and has twelve paws?
The Three Bears!
What's the difference between Mummy Bear's porridge, Daddy Bear's
porridge and Baby Bear's porridge?
Well,
one is Mummy Bear's, one is Daddy Bear's, and one is Baby Bear's!
Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!
Doctor,
Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
Doctor,
Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ?till I get there
Doctor,
Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
Doctor,
Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
Doctor,
Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!
Doctor,
how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aardvark!
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Aaron!
Aaron who!
Aaron on the side of caution!
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Abbott!
Abbott who?
Abbott time you answered the door!
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Abe!
Abe who?
Abe C D E F G H...!
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Abyssinia!
Abyssinia who?
Abyssinia behind bars one of these days!
A cannibal
joke
What's the definition of a cannibal?
Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!#
A ghost
joke
Why are cemeteries in the middle of towns?
Because they're dead centres!
What
is lion's favorite food ?
Baked beings !
What do tigers wear in bed ?
Stripey pyjamas !
What does a lion brush his mane with ?
A catacomb !
What happened when the lion ate the comedian ?
He felt funny !
What's striped and bouncy ?
A tiger on a pogo stick !
How can you get a set of teeth put in for free ?
Smack a lion !
A witch
joke
What is a witches favourite book?
Broom at the top!
Why
did the hen cross the road ?
To prove she wasn't chicken !
What do you call a man with a tree growing out of his head ?
Ed-ward !
How do you stop a head cold going to your chest ?
Easy - tie a knot in your neck !
Why shouldn't you try to swim on a full stomach ?
Because it's easier to swim on a full swimming pool !
What
do elves eat at parties ?
Fairy cakes !
What do you get if you cross a brain surgeon and a herd of cows ?
Cow-operation !
What did the carpenter go to the doctor ?
He had a saw hand !
Riddles For Children
How
can you prove that a horse has six legs?
A horse has four legs (forelegs) in front and two behind.
How can you spell chilly with two letters?
IC (icy) .
A man
had two sons and named them both Ed. How come?
Two Eds (heads) are better than one.
At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).
Can you spell a composition with two letters?
SA (essay).
Can you spell a pretty girl with two letters?
QT (cutey).
What
does a footballer and a magician have in common ?
Both do hat tricks !
Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar ?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump !
Why are football players never asked for dinner ?
Because they're always dribbling !
Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ?
Because he liked sole music !
Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn't know who it was from.
Did you hear about the boy who saw a witch riding on a broomstick ? He
said, 'what are you doing on that ?'
She replied, 'my sister's got the vacuum cleaner.'
Why
did Mr and Mrs Werewolf call their son Camera?
Because he was always snapping