Travel Jokes

 

Touring South America

A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.

"This temple is 1503 years old", replies the guide.

Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.

"Easy", replies the guide, "the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago"

 

Travel with a horse

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

 

passenger piled his cases on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the square case to go to Denver and the two round ones to go to Seattle."
"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.
"Why not? You did it the last time!"

 

Air traffic controller:
"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in from angry wives asking: "What trip?"

Brochure Term Translation

Old world charm = No bath
Tropical = Rainy
Majestic setting = A long way from town
Options galore= Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway =Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms= Already occupied
Explore on your own =Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts =They've flown before
No extra fees= No extras
Nominal charge =Outrageous charge
Standard= Substandard
Deluxe= Standard
Superior= Two free shower caps
All the amenities= One free shower cap
Plush =Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes= Gale-force winds
Light and airy= No air conditioning
Picturesque= Theme park nearby
Open bar= Free ice cubes

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

She replied, "Yes or No."

 

Three women are stuck on a desert island. Theres a brunette, A blonde and a redhead. They all try to think of a way to get off the island. So the blonde thinks "We can dig off the island " So then starts to dig. The redhead thinks "we can swim off of the island" and then starts to swim. The brunette thinks and walks over the bridge.

Genie On A Beach

A man was walking along the beach when he found a
bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.

A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The
genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but
only one.."

The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to
go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of
flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for
a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think
I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the
pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would
have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the
pavement that would be needed.

No, that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is
one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be
able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are
they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with?
Basically, what makes them tick?"

The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you
want two lanes or four?