Tweenager Jokes

 

Kids Humor

A FIRST YEAR TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

As you shall make your bed so shall you...............mess it up.

Better be safe than...........................punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the ...................................bug is close.

It's always darkest before.................daylight savings time.

You can lead a horse to water but............................how?

Don't bite the hand that.............................looks dirty.

A miss is as good as a........................................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new..............................math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll.......stink in the morning.

The pen is mightier than the................................pigs.

An idle mind is............................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's...........................pollution.

Happy the bride who........................gets all the presents.

A penny saved is........................................not much.

Two's company, three's............................the musketeers.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and....you have to blow your nose.

Children should be seen and not..............spanked or grounded.

When the blind leadeth the blind..............get out of the way.

On what falling in love is like:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."

 

 

 

DEFINITION OF A TEENAGER

Teenager (noun)

1) A mammal found extensively throughout the planet, often clustered in groups in front of television sets. Thought to be a member of Homo Sapiens due to physical similarities, though social and emotional behavior leads many researchers to consider Teenagers to be a completely different species altogether. Very territorial.

Teenagers are extraordinarily social animals, seeking contact with their peer groups to such a great extent they will forgo family, chores, food, and responsibility. The males of the species forage for food constantly and can consume three times their weight every day. When in full plumage, the males are usually drab, marked by loose fitting garments which slide off their backsides and look ridiculous.

The females, on the other hand, sport striking colors under their eyes, throughout their hair, and on the tips of their fingers. Females often attract males by wearing garments to accentuate chest development. Males indicate their approval by staring at the display. The call of the female is complex and shrill: "Like, O m'Gosh! O m' Gosh!" Males are less vocal, signaling to other males with a salutatory "Yo. Yo. Yo. S'up? S'up? S'up?"

Teenagers line their nests with discarded undergarments. The females hold telephone receivers to their ears an average of six hours a day. When challenged for possession, they snarl and warn intruders, "I'm doing my HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK." The males lie immobile for hours at a time, conserving energy and listening to violent electronic signals from radios. Male Teenagers concentrate on important information by rolling their eyes, shrugging, kicking dirt and sighing. Females burst into tears and slam doors. Many Homo Sapiens families have a host-to-parasite relationship with one or more than one Teenager. These host families often develop a resistance to the parasite, rejecting them some time in the eighteenth year of life. Often, though, this rejection is merely theoretical, with the Teenager continuing to live off of the host Homo Sapiens family for many years afterward, often at great sacrifice.

2) Of, relating to, and especially EXPLAINING irrational, intolerable, or inexplicable behavior. ("She's a Teenager.")

3) A request for sympathy, offered by adult parents to each other in support. ("I have a Teenager at home.") Often accompanied by sighs, head shaking, tongue clucking, and shoulder shrugging.

 

 

She has something boys want - a mustache!

 

 

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

Teens!!!

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her
mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.

"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"

 

 

A Practical Computer Joker

Funny ways to mess people around by using their computers, you should preferably wait until the person is out of the room:

1.Take a screenshot of their desktop, save it and then set it to the background. Then right click on an empty space on the desktop and goto Arrange By > Show Desktop Icons. This should be ticked, by clicking on it, this will hide all the icons but it still looks like the icons are there because of the back drop, its great fun watching them trying to double click something. To take a screenshot: Press the "Print Screen" (or "Prt Sc") button on your keyboard, this should be somewhere near the top right-hand corner of the keyboard. Then go into MS Paint (Start > Programs > Accessories > Paint). Click the Edit menu, then select Paste. Then save the file wherever you want it.

2. Move the taskbar to the top or sides of the screen, then shrink it down to its smallest possible size. make sure to then lock the taskbar.

3. Ping off the keys from the keyboard with a pen or a knife or something slim, them rearrange them in a random manner.

4. Put some kind of powder (talcom, baby powder, chalk. whatever) onto the processor and/or the power supply fan. when they start up their computer clouds of smoke will start to rise

5.Put some tape over the floppy drive button, only works for those real simple people though.

6. Replace their Windows start-up sound with a recording that plays 15 minutes of silence, then plays very quiet random sounds every few minutes after that. It will drive them crazy working out where/why the sounds are coming from.